I don’t really know how to put into words what I’m feeling right now….it’s like I’m in a state of limbo…like I don’t have a place in the world….like I’m watching my life from far away. The words “life goes on” comes to mind but I feel like my life is going on without me. I’ve tried to make several changes in my day to day life but nothing seems to help me connect with reality. Do I stay here? Do I buy a house? Do I sell the boat? And to make matters worse, certain members of my family have decided that their wants and needs take priority over everything else. How is it possible that they are concerned about “things” at this point??? It’s all I can do to get through everyday without having a complete breakdown. Their insensitivity is draining. I feel like they are eating away at what little sanity I have left.

Mesa & Stella are still very needy and clingy. I’m not sure if it’s because they sense my sadness and uncertainty. The two of them just stare out the door at me when I have to leave. It breaks my heart but I don’t know what to do for them.