It's hard for me to decide how much to share about what is happening with Michael. His decline has been incredibly swift and painful for me.

It is very difficult to find a balance with the pain meds. If I give the amount of medication the hospice nurses want me to give him, he is completely unresponsive which means I can't get him to eat or drink anything. If I decrease the meds, he is somewhat lucid and can recognize people and can communicate a bit. But with that comes the problem of him trying to get out of bed on his own and he is still disoriented and very weak. It's hard to have someone watching him every minute of every day. Someone is always in the house but not always in the same room.

Unfortunately the decision will be out of my hands very soon. It is becoming increasingly difficult for him to swallow pills. I will probably have to give him the fentanyl patch tomorrow.

This disease is wretched!